dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
