I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
