were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
