its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
