maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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