Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
