Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
