Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
