Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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