You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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