Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
