His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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