If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
