I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
