i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Duck Duck Cougar?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
