I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
