I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
