he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
well you can't waste a boner
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize