chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
