Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
