Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
