ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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