On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My breasts were aching with rage.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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