dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
