also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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