Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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