He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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