There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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