My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
