Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
