someone get that fucking seahorse.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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