Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
birth control should be required to get into college
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
