i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
