This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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