The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
