This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
