its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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