I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize