Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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