I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
there was a trapeze. enough said
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
