Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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