is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
