I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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