Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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