I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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