After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
