There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
