I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
