Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize