dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
