So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize