I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
