...so i touched it.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
