I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
