Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
