i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize