I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
