You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize