never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
