there's paper in my vomit.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
