i think my mom watched the whole time
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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