Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
