i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
