i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
