I'm really into asian looking animals
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
