proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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