please come you make the beer taste better
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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