OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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