ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
