The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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