in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
