omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
