Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Drunk is not a location!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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