So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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