I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
