Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
