I heard we made out
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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