I think I won the penis lottery.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
