It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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