yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
