Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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