dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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