'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I need a beard to bite.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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