He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
