there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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