I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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