I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
