I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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