i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
