Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
