she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
