Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
That's when you crack a 10am beer
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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