so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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