maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
