Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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