oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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