Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
