I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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