I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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