Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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