So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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