Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
