he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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