I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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