I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
