Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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