I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
