you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
