I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
