Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
