It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
