I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
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