Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You smell like stripper and shame
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize