can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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