White coat. Heels.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
