I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
