Will you blow on my dice?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
