Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
