Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
