The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
