Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
