is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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